This is an odd word, but it does have meaning to me. This year, I'm going to allow myself to do a lot of things. I'm going to allow myself to cry, to ask questions, to talk to people, to try new things. Every year before, It's always gone to the dirt. I hold myself back from doing a lot of things. I force myself to keep everything inside, because I just shouldn't be allowed to talk sometimes. But saying things can get my into a better place. A better head-space, and maybe a better physical place.
I'm going to allow myself to let things go, to forgive myself and others for wrongdoings. Allow myself to really show love, to really let people know that I need them. That's going to take a lot of work, but I'm going to try.
A big trait of mine is apprehension. I never want to try things, in case I get hurt or, God forbid, embarrass myself. My whole perspective of being alive is shame. I base myself on who I am to avoid being ashamed. But who cares, right? Who cares if I can't catch one pass or don't throw the ball hard enough. Now that I type it out, these huge problems sound meager.
I'm going to allow myself to be the person I want to be. I'm going to allow myself to make mistakes. New year, same old mistakes. Let's handle them better.